today on the top of my spanish worksheet, i wrote: "I want so badly to escape from this world for just a day. By no means am I a misanthrope, for I love all whom I've come to know, but it just gets difficult when those feelings of care are not reciprocated back to me. Maybe I'm overreacting." i probably am. i'm not the only friend in people's lives. they have to deal with everyone, their family, and school. i remember i'd always talk to pk and i'd ask him why we don't chill anymore and he'd say it's cause of me. i would always brush that off and jokingly tell him that it's him, but after thinking about it for a while i am part of the reason why we're like this too. i used to hit him up all the time and ask him to chill but after junior year started everything began to drift apart. i haven't talked to a lot of people in a long time. things have changed. although i know it's probably not true (i hope not), i feel like people who were once so close to me and people who were once such big parts of my life are slowly turning their back on me. i'm not perfect and i've probably changed, but i really wish that things were still the same. i hate going down to first period. every time i go, absolutely nobody talks to me. unless i say something to them first, i'm pretty much just a stone. i take up space and become a public nuisance and that's about it. except arash always says hi to me and gives me that hug every now & then. arash is really one of the most down to earth people i've ever met. i can go to him about anything and he'll always be supportive of all my good ideas and help me fix my not so good ideas. sorry if this post is incoherent i'm trying to multitask. sigh that lifted a huge burden off my shoulders. | 